Surprising Ways to Show Your Love

5 Surprising Ways to Show Your Love

Want to let someone know they're loved? Try using actions, rather than words. "Love is an action verb," says Jamie Comstock, a professor of communication at Butler University in Indianapolis. "To really feel the love, the other person has to sense the message in nonverbal ways."

Here are five surprising things to know about gestures that say, "I love you" -- words optional.

1. Small weekly gifts "count" more than rare, splashy ones.

The underlying love message: "I'm committed to you."

Saving up for those pricey Valentine's roses and jewelry in a velvet box? Think twice, if it means you can't afford smaller tokens of affection the rest of the year. That's not to say flowers and jewels aren't welcome or good gifts. But grand gestures shouldn't usurp more frequent demonstrations of your love.

Frequent contact is one of the best signs of commitment, according to Comstock. "Your mom will appreciate a large box of candy on Valentine's Day, but if she doesn't hear from you again until Mother's Day, she won't sense the love in the gesture," Comstock says.

Those small gestures don't have to be store-bought tokens; they can take the form of a daily catch-up with a traveling lover, the everyday loving gestures you show a spouse -- making the bed first, bringing him coffee, scraping ice from her car in the morning -- or a weekly call to your aging parents.

2. Frequent touching speaks louder than words.

The underlying love message: "We're connected."

Whether you're hugging your dad or caressing a lover, touch telegraphs affection faster than words do. Thank your brain and your skin's abundant nerve endings for why touch feels so nice. The emotional brain "gets" touch communication more immediately than it understands words, which have to be processed first through the speech centers, says David Givens, director of the Center for Nonverbal Studies in Spokane, Washington, and author of Love Signals.

"If seeing is believing, touching is knowing," he says.

Touch comes naturally to couples falling in love but notoriously fades over time. Older adults tend to respond especially strongly to touch as a signal of love because they're often "touch deprived," says Comstock.

Counter that trend with a daily intentional hug, a shoulder squeeze, letting your knees touch as you sit opposite each other. See 9 Wordless Ways Someone Says, "I Love You".

3. Doing slightly complicated things for your loved one brings you closer.

The underlying love message: "I'm willing to put forth special effort for you."

"The more effort you put into a gesture of love, the more the recipient feels the love," Comstock says. A perception that you've gone the extra mile decreases the psychological distance between the two of you. So, for example, leaving a treasure hunt of post-it notes bearing hearts registers higher on the "you love me!" scale than a rote "I love you" verbally tacked onto the end of every phone conversation.

More examples: A carefully planned getaway weekend or scanning a lifetime of old prints into digital images. Just make sure the gesture involves planning and forethought on your part -- and that the recipient knows it wasn't contracted out to a third party (executive assistant, travel agent) to arrange.

How corny these efforts are depends on your taste and their execution. But what they have in common: a lover's effort.

4. Activities that "mirror" reinforce a common courtship behavior.

The underlying love message: "We're so in synch."

Go dancing. Take a walk together. The operative word is together. As you take a walk with a companion, for example, you tend to fall into step with each other, matching your strides, going in the same direction, seeing the same things en route. Dancing requires an even more closely matched echoing of your behaviors.

We unconsciously imitate each other when we feel close, which reinforces further closeness. Couples do this unconsciously all the time: Watch a pair who are flirting. Social scientists call this "synchrony" -- simultaneous action "“ when members of a social pair match their behaviors. "It's a strong way of being alike," Givens says.

Those who want to express love that's sure to be felt can borrow a page from the same playbook and mirror their behaviors in intentional ways.

"The more alike you are, the more you like each other," Givens says.

5. Nothing thrills like a little inside knowledge.

The underlying love message: "I know you and feel close to you."

A new shirt is nice. One that's monogrammed (for a recipient who likes them) is even better. But best of all, if you're trying to convey, "I love you": a gift that reflects that you're paying attention to the relationship.

That can mean something you made yourself just for the person, or something that reflects an inside joke or insider knowledge about the person's passions and preferences. How much you spend isn't the point here; it's how much you spend emotionally. So winning choices might include a handmade card, a CD of handpicked tunes, a framed photo of the two of you, an item that you observed the recipient coveting or needing months ago, or a scrapbook looking back on a long marriage or celebrating an older parent's life.

"The most valued gifts to a receiver are those the person knows are just for him or her," Comstock says. "If I'm debating whether to buy my dad a shirt or make him a batch of chocolate chip cookies to show my love for him, the cookies send a stronger message because I know they're his favorite thing -- and he knows I know this and did it for him. He could buy his own shirt.

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Birthmarks

This Beautiful Teen Isn't Ashamed of Her Unique Birthmarks

Provided by Good Housekeeping

© Provided by Good HousekeepingHaving a birthmark is no big deal to most people, especially if they aren't particularly noticeable, but for one North Carolina teen, her birthmarks (hundreds of them, in fact!) are one of her most defining features. And while she's faced a lot of grief over her unique appearance, she wants the world to know she's not ashamed.Meet 19-year-old Ciera Swaringen, who was born with Giant Congenital Melanocytic Nevus​, a dermatological condition that leads large moles to appear on more than two-thirds of her body. The birthmarks cover her legs, torso, and face, giving her skin a very unique appearance that she has, sadly, been bullied for throughout childhood.© Provided by Good Housekeeping"One day I remember being on the school bus and hearing a young boy laugh at me and call me a spotty dog," the teen told The Daily Mail. "That really knocked my confidence. It made me feel different to the other kids, like something was wrong with me."The bullying continued into her high school years. "Teenage boys are usually the first ones to comment when they see me," Swaringen added. "They say things like, 'You look like you're dirty.'"© Provided by Good HousekeepingBut the recent high school graduate doesn't let the cruel comments get her down and is "so proud to be different." According to Swaringen, her small town of Richfield (population: 600!) also has been a supportive place to grow up — most people already know about her birthmarks, she said, so she feels perfectly normal there.And you're probably wondering: Can she have the birthmarks removed? She can't because they are continuously growing — in fact, more and more will appear over the years. But other than needing to be extra careful about sun protection — something we should ​all​ do, of course — Swaringen doesn't let her skin condition stop her from acting like any other teen, wearing fancy dresses and cute swimsuits.© Provided by Good HousekeepingAnd her self assurance is something we could all take cues from: "At the end of the day, we all have something about us that's unusual, whether it's on the inside or the outside. Everyone is born to look different, and we're should all feel beautiful in our own skin.​"

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Reasons to Find Time to Play With Your Kids

6 Reasons to Find Time to Play With Your Kids

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1. To make memories

There is no excuse a mother can give to be unable to find the time to play with her kids. You will unknowingly form wonderful memories with your kids when you are helping them ride the see-saw, playing Lego with them or swinging them in the hammock. If you don’t play with your kids when they are young, you will miss out on some of the best parts of their childhood which you will regret later. This is the foremost reason why you should make time to play with your kids.

2. To know about their skills, aptitude and interests

There is an ulterior reason of spending more time playing with your kids. When you see your kids playing in front of your eyes, you can make a lot of observations about them. You will able to make mental notes about which games they like the most, how intensely they like their recreational hours and whether they like being indoors or outdoors. Many of the likes and dislikes that kids display when they play games or a sport get reflected and carried forward in their adult lives too.

3. To form a deeper bond with them

It is important spend time helping your kids with their homework and reading them bedtime stories, but it is equally important to spend time playing with them. This is because kids love playing and they will feel happy about the fact that you are spending your time having fun with them too. Don’t let your kids feel that parents are only meant to be strict and firm. Show them your fun side so that you both can form a deeper bond with each other.

4. To spot any inconsistencies in their behavior

Many child psychology experts believe that it is important for parents to spend time playing with their kids because it can give them a closer look at their kids’ behavior. A child is likely to display his or her natural behavior while playing which makes it the perfect time to spot any inconsistencies. For example, many parents are known to have spotted the first signs of impaired speech, autism and dyslexia in their kids when they were playing or indulging in other recreational activities.

5. To satisfy your kids

How many times has your child tugged your armed and coaxed you to come and play? How many times have your kids started crying because you refused to play with them? This is a clear indication that your kids yearn for your company but they don’t say it out loud. Your children will experience immense joy if you spend an entire evening in the weekend or an hour everyday to play with them.

6. To find a fun way of teaching your kids

It is not necessary to teach your kids values and morals of life only by making them sit next to you and giving them a boring lecture. You can do so while playing with them so that they don’t look it as burdensome. This way, you will be able to drive home many things subtly as compared to drilling it in them forcefully.

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Top Five Regrets of the Dying

Top Five Regrets of the Dying

I saw this article about a a powerful book by a wonderful woman named Bronnie Ware which focuses in on the actual voiced regrets of people she encountered when they were dying. Powerful stuff – go and pick up the book! Here’s a small excerpt: For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

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When God Created Mothers

“When God Created Mothers"

 

When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of "overtime" when the angel appeared and said. "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one." 

And God said, "Have you read the specs on this order?" She has to be completely washable, but not plastic. Have 180 moveable parts...all replaceable. Run on black coffee and leftovers. Have a lap that disappears when she stands up. A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair. And six pairs of hands." 

The angel shook her head slowly and said. "Six pairs of hands.... no way." 

It's not the hands that are causing me problems," God remarked, "it's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have." 

That's on the standard model?" asked the angel. God nodded. 

One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, 'What are you kids doing in there?' when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say. 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word." 

God," said the angel touching his sleeve gently, "Get some rest tomorrow...." 

I can't," said God, "I'm so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick...can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger...and can get a nine year old to stand under a shower." 

The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. "It's too soft," she sighed. 

But tough!" said God excitedly. "You can imagine what this mother can do or endure." 

Can it think?" 

Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise," said the Creator. 

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. 

There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told You that You were trying to put too much into this model." 

It's not a leak," said the Lord, "It's a tear." 

What's it for?" 

It's for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride." 

You are a genius, " said the angel. 

Somberly, God said, "I didn't put it there.” 
― Erma Bombeck, When God Created Mothers

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