How To Attract A Healthy Relationship

How to Attract a Healthy Relationship

Have you found yourself continually attracting the same kind of unhealthy person into your life, such as people who are narcissistic or emotionally unavailable? This is the situation Connie finds herself in.
"As a child of narcissists, I've struggled for decades. My attraction to men, since the age of 14, has been to narcissists and sociopaths. I thought it was love, but really I was seeking approval. I have been healing for many years, yet as a highly sensitive person with this history, I know I may always be vulnerable. The catch is evaluating someone new with a level head, and making sound decisions before falling 'blindly' in love. What are your thoughts to attract a healthy love relationship that is not based on dependency or approval?"
Many people tend to be attracted to people who are similar to one or both of their parents. Their ego wounded self says, "If I can get a person like my mom or dad to love me, then I will be okay." The problem is that there are three different lies in this statement:

1. You can't have control over how people feel about you.
2. People who are not loving themselves won't learn to love you, no matter how loving you think you are being with them.
3. As an adult, you need to learn to love yourself to feel that you are okay. Others' love can help and support you in developing self-worth, but no one can do it for you.

So trying to get a narcissistic or emotionally unavailable person to love you and connect with you will always be a losing battle.
Attracting "a healthy love relationship that is not based on dependency or approval" naturally occurs as you learn to love yourself. The more you learn to love and value who you really are in your essence, the less you will find yourself attracted to people who are not loving or valuing themselves. As the Law of Attraction states, "Like attracts like," so the more you abandon yourself and then seek others' approval to feel okay, the more you attract other self-abandoning people.
Connie finds herself attracted to narcissists because she is coming from her own narcissistic wounded self. The wounded self in all of us as some degree of narcissism, which means that, when we are abandoning ourselves and are operating from our wounded self, we expect someone else to take responsibility for our feelings of worth and ability to love. When we are abandoning ourselves, we are operating from a low 'frequency,' and we attract other people who are also operating from a low frequency - i.e., the Law of Attraction.
When we practice Inner Bonding, learning to connect with our spiritual Guidance and operate as a loving adult who takes responsibility for our own feelings of self-worth, then we operate from a high frequency and we attract other high-frequency people - people who are also loving themselves and taking responsibility for their feelings and defining their own self-worth.
So I would say to Connie, "It's not about '... evaluating someone new with a level head, and making sound decisions before falling 'blindly' in love.' It's about becoming the kind of person you want to attract. The more you learn to connect with yourself and your spiritual Guidance, the quicker you can sense the frequency of another person."
When you are operating from your loving adult rather than from your wounded self, you can sense immediately whether someone is authentically open and loving, rather than acting open and loving. Narcissistic and emotionally unavailable people are adept at acting open, but there is a huge difference in frequency between genuinely open and caring people and people who have learned to act open and caring. The more open and caring you become with yourself, the easier it becomes to sense the truth about another person.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9159427

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Courageous Mom, Raising Funds

Courageous mum-of-four who lost half her face to cancer releases pictures of reconstruction surgery in a bid to raise cash for charity

HELEN Butchart's right shoulder blade was used to rebuild her face during a 22-hour operation after cancer eats into her cheekbone, palate, and eye.

A MOTHER of four who lost half her face to cancer has bravely released pictures of the reconstruction surgery in a bid to raise cash for charity.

Surgeons used Helen Butchart’s right shoulder blade to rebuild her face during a 22-hour operation.

The cancer had eaten into the 54-year-old’s cheekbone, palate, and eye – all of which had to be removed.

Now Helen, of Lochgelly, Fife, is raising funds to help the medical team who saved her life.

Yesterday, she released pictures of her progress in the days and weeks since her surgery.

Her maxillary sinus cancer was only discovered after dental treatment failed to cure her swollen face.

Helen, who has run her own flower shop for 17 years, was treated with antibiotics and had three teeth taken out. Still, in pain, she was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year.

She said: “The tumor had eaten into my right cheekbone, right eye, and palate. I was in great pain by the beginning of February and was on morphine day and night.”

Helen had her life-changing operation at Glasgow’s Southern General Hospital on February 17.

Surgeons cut out cancer and reconstructed her face.

Helen said: “They had to create a new cheekbone and palate – my right shoulder blade was used to do this.

“The skin on my face had stretched too much and was so thin they had to give me a flap.

“They also removed lymph nodes on the right-hand side.”

She added: “This is the second last day of radiotherapy, so I’m relieved about that. It’s difficult to speak at the moment because of ulcers in my throat.”

Incredibly, she was back home within 10 days.

The pictures were taken at 10 days, three weeks, and five weeks after the operation.

They show the right side of Helen’s face still swollen and covered with a thick skin graft. A jagged purple scar runs across where her right eye used to be.

Helen posted them to her Facebook and Just Giving fundraising page. Pals were quick to praise her.

Gordon Wilson wrote: “Geezus, you always had the X factor gal. You have taken things to another level this time and rose to it.

“Anyone who ain’t feeling emotion reading the above posts just ain’t human. X is for kisses aplenty but in your case, it’s sheer guts.”

Helen’s sister Janice Macrimmon wrote: “From the day you were told about the tumor you have
demonstrated strength like no other. You have faced every step with courage and humor – it wouldn’t be you if there wasn’t a smile and a joke involved.

“I, as your big sister, feel immensely proud to call you my wee sister, keep up the good work pal.”

She also praised Helen’s husband, John, saying: “John Butchart needs a special mention here as I am so proud of you, John – you are a rock.”

Helen’s niece wrote: “Aunty Helen, you are the bravest woman I know and a true inspiration to everyone.”

Helen said: “I have nothing but praise and respect for the surgeons who helped me at that difficult time.”

She wants to raise money for the NHS Greater Glasgow and Clyde Endowments fund. It pays for extra equipment, research, training, and patient comfort.

Last night, Helen had made more than £8800 for the fund. She said: “I have been overwhelmed by the generosity and support given by local communities. It’s great how everyone pulls together.”

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7 Amazing Benefits of Being Optimistic about Life

Nowadays we live in a harsh world full of troubles, grief and negative news. If to treat everything seriously, you may realize that everything is falling apart. People are surrounded by hatred, fear, and greed. But there are many opposite and wonderful things that keep balance in this world. If you want to be on the positive wave, you should try to spread love, inspiration and joy in life. Moreover, optimistic people tend to experience more pleasant emotions and moments than pessimists, because optimism makes your reality colorful. Even when you go through tough times and feel downhearted, you should find the reasons to be optimistic about life.

Troubles and life challenges are just an experience that teaches you to be more reasonable and versed in the same situations in the future. You should be grateful for this life experience because it is a chance for you to become skillful in various spheres of life. Check out a few amazing benefits of being optimistic about life.

1. Optimism provides improvement

Optimism has always been the basic element of financial and professional success and improvement. I’m sure that optimists always have more room and chances for improvement than pessimists. Optimists usually don’t mull over their problems and they try to handle the situation faster because they have a large circle of friends and acquaintances. Furthermore, it is extremely important to believe that the situation will get better by all means. All you need is to be confident and make an effort to change the situation for the better.

2. Many things to enjoy

Have you ever tried to notice something simple but beautiful around you? Unfortunately, people have already got used to seeing only negative things since they can easily attract people’s attention. Open your eyes and look around you. You’ll find a great number of wondrous things to enjoy. It’s not necessary to be a millionaire to reach this joy. Many simple pleasures are priceless because you cannot buy a magnificent smile of your child or the moments of happiness spent together with your best friend. Life is a wonderful thing!

Read also – 10 Excuses That Are Keeping You from Reaching Your Goals

3. Positive moments in your life

I think that almost every person has something wonderful and pleasant in their life. When you have to overcome serious barriers, you should try to develop a positive outlook. You need to be proud of your family, friends, hobbies, interesting job and other majestic moments that you find insignificant in your life. Grab some paper and write down all your positive traits and life achievements. You will understand that things aren’t as bad as you think.

4. It’s good medicine for tough times

Every optimist knows that both tough and great times won’t last forever. They are ready to deal with various challenges. Many optimists live by the one-day principle that helps them to protect themselves from anxiety and worries about the past and future. It’s desirable to be patient and soon you’ll notice that being optimistic will pay off. For the typical optimist, a small obstacle on the path to the aim is a kind of opportunity, but not a burden.

5. Longer life

According to numerous scientific researches, optimists succeed in maintaining health and youth. Positive thinking and attitude increase the body’s defense level and make it stronger. The harmony of the soul is the best defense against negative things and diseases. Optimism is the best way to deal with stress. Constant anxiety and stress are so dangerous for your body and your mind. It will help you live longer and enjoy every moment of your life. If you want to improve the quality and increase the duration of life, then replace your pessimism with optimism.

6. The power of positive thinking

Many optimistic people find positive thinking extremely effective in achieving their goals. It also helps you remain in a good mood. Positive thinking also affects your senses and helps you focus on the main aspects of life. Consequently, you will make it a habit to look for the positive side of everything. You will learn how to notice all possible benefits around you. If you convince yourself that you can get or do what you want, you will certainly succeed in everything.

Read also – 7 Undeniable Reasons to Focus on Making Yourself Happy

7. It’s the key to your success

Optimists are people who always act instead of waiting for the miracle to happen. Those people who take small steps have more opportunities to reach their goals. You should realize that crying from the negative realities of life doesn’t bring results. Constant motion and an optimistic state of mind will open the door to your success. An optimist often sees a challenge as an experience. This strategy focuses their attention on a positive outcome.

It’s a great miracle to be a “glass half full” person in this difficult world. It doesn’t mean that you should always be happy, because life isn’t a bed of roses. Stephen King once said a true thing, “There’s no harm in hoping for the best as long as you are prepared for the worst.” Are you an optimist? Does positive attitude help you cope with life challenges?

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Anxiety Reduction Tools

Are you looking for anxiety reduction ideas that really work? Anxiety and stress are related to sleep deprivation, dissatisfaction at work and in relationships, physical ailments such as headaches, and many more struggles that are common today.  If you are coping with stress or anxiety, you may be searching for ways to improve your mood, experience more joy and hope, and feel more comfortable or confident in your day-to-day life.

Long-term strategies like psychotherapy, mindfulness practices, and prioritizing overall health are quite effective for managing anxiety and reducing its negative impact. While it’s vital to invest in yourself with ongoing processes like those listed above, there are also ways to relieve anxiety and stress that you can use to get results right now.

These three tools can be used today to relieve stress and improve your quality of life.

1. Get Into The Moment for Anxiety Reduction

Anxiety and stress take you hostage with thoughts about the past or future – taking you out of the present moment. You may notice that you try to control things by over-planning, over-analyzing, or obsessing over details.

Time thinking about the future will disconnect you from what your needs, thoughts, and feelings are right now. This is stressful for your brain and body to maintain. Bringing yourself back to your awareness of the present moment allows you to feel in control of yourself, rather than spinning in circles trying to plan a way to control something in your external world.

Here is a three-step challenge that you can use now to orient your mind and body in the present moment:

1. For a moment or two try to do nothing but breathe.

2. Look down at your body. Notice the color of your clothes, the comfort level of the chair you’re sitting in, and the way your chest moves as you breathe. Take your hands away from the computer, and rest them on your lap.

3. Look around you. Notice the detail about the things that are in your space. Try to observe without judging anything as good or bad. When your mind starts to wander, bring it back to focusing on this article – and this article alone.

2. Practicing Forgiveness for Anxiety Reduction

Have you heard that a grudge hurts you more than it hurts the other person? It’s better for your own health to forgive someone else instead of holding onto anger. Practicing forgiveness is also a way of releasing fear, anxiety, and stress! Forgiving someone else is allowing yourself to have a new experience – not necessarily of that person (let’s face it, sometimes we need to cut ties), but of the world and people in general.

Anxiety wants you to make negative assumptions about people and future experiences, convincing you that you’re being protected from more pain by assuming the worst. Forgiving will keep you open to new and better things.

Anxiety and stress are also linked to perfectionism. You may be convinced that you’re being responsible and dedicated when in fact you are carrying a heavy burden of doubt and negativity around with you as you try to accomplish tasks. Forgiving yourself sets you free from the burden of perfectionism, allowing you to accomplish more with more joy.

Here are two ways to practice forgiveness right now:

1. Take a moment to think of someone or something that you have been unable to forgive. Even if it’s not yet true, say aloud “I forgive you.” Practice it a few times, and try again tomorrow, until you are able to release yourself from the pain.

2. Think of a time that you tend to be critical of yourself. Is it difficult for you to allow yourself to make mistakes? Write yourself a note saying that you accept and forgive the mistake. Again, say it aloud to yourself: “I forgive you.”

3. Use Laughter and Joy for Anxiety Reduction

Laughter releases healing chemicals in the brain that bring relief. It also opens up the possibility to have a new experience in the moment. Novelty experiences, even small ones, are vital for daily stress management. Laughter can also help you experience an emotional connection with another person and help you create a positive memory.

In addition, connection with others is a key component to relief from anxiety symptoms, partially because experiencing frequent fear and stress can be isolating. Connecting through laughter (even via text message!) may break you out of a negative thought process. So, how can you bring some laughter, humor, and connection into your life today?

Here are three ways you can bring humor into your life right now:

1. Do something kind for a friend or acquaintance. It can be anything from sending a link to a funny video, writing a letter of gratitude, or taking time out of your day to help her. Look for the humor in a situation that might otherwise cause you to worry.

2. Do something today that is completely outside of your comfort zone. Put on music and dance, sign up for a martial arts class, or start up a conversation with a total stranger. Did you jump in and practice each example, or were you embarrassed, doubtful, or afraid?

3. Anxiety may try to stop you from giving these tools a legitimate try. Go for it anyway! You may surprise yourself with what you are able to experience and achieve.

How will you incorporate these tools into your life today?

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How Successful People Make The Best Use Of Their Weekends

That old Loverboy song “Everybody’s Working for the Weekend” rings true for so many of us who give their all Monday through Friday, and just want to use Saturday and Sunday to catch up on some R&R. What a lot of us don’t realize is that spending Saturday and Sunday binge-watching Netflix or sleeping off hangovers is a complete waste of 2/7 of our life. The most successful people know that, even if they won’t be doing much “work” over the weekend, they still have to be productive if they want to stay ahead of the rest of the population. Rather than glue themselves to the couch watching reality TV all weekend, the hardest working among us choose to:

1. Plan

Successful individuals don’t go haphazardly into the weekend. They plan their day out just as they would any other. It might be a little more loosely-scheduled than a typical Tuesday, but with only so many hours in a week, successful people know they have to use all the free time they can get to accomplish the errands and tasks they need to accomplish. Without a plan, you’ll end up watching “just one more episode” of sitcom reruns before you realize it’s already 4 p.m. on Sunday.

2. Get up early

Of course it feels good to sleep in, but it feels even better to have checked some tasks off your list before anyone else around you has gotten out of bed. It’s actually quite rejuvenating to get up and moving early on days you don’t have to. Starting your Saturday off by hitting the gym or reading a book will leave you feeling more refreshed than if you wasted an extra two or three hours laying in bed staring at the ceiling.

3. Unplug

In today’s busy, interconnected world, most of us never truly leave work at work. Our phones are likely connected to our email and Twitter accounts, meaning we can be bombarded with a work-related task even after the 5 p.m. whistle blows on Friday. But even the hardest working among us need time to let work go. Laura Vanderkam, author of What the Most Successful People Do on the Weekend, advocates taking a “tech Sabbath,” even for a couple hours over the weekend. Go fishing or hiking, visit a museum or library – and do so without your phone in your pocket. You’ll be amazed at how much more visceral the experience is.

4. Exercise

During the week, you probably told yourself you were going to hit the gym at least once or twice. Then, life happened. While you can’t blame yourself for neglecting the gym because you needed to pick up your kids or your wife’s car broke down, the weekend is the perfect time to make up for lost opportunities. And if you can knock it off early in the day, doing so will absolutely kickstart your day and keep you motivated and moving throughout everything else you have planned for your time off.

5. Socialize

During the week, you may not have had time to eat dinner with your kids or take them out for ice cream. Don’t be that parent that’s so addicted to work that they neglect the people they are working to support. Plan fun activities to do as a family, and don’t forget about taking your spouse out for romantic dinner dates every once in a while. Make the time to meet up with friends and connect in more ways than just text messaging each other every few weeks. After all, what’s the point of life if you can’t enjoy it with the people you love?

6. Follow passions and hobbies

Warren Buffet plays the ukelele. George W. Bush paints. Jay Leno is a car freak. Successful people use every minute of their free time doing something they love doing, because they know they’ll never get that time back. Even if your hobby requires hard work and dedication, if you’re passionate about it, you’ll still be relaxed and comfortable while working on it. Don’t waste precious time scrolling through Twitter when you could be learning a new song on piano. You never know when a simple hobby could turn into a life-long passion.

7. Embrace downtime and reflect

Of course, there are times you’ll need to sit quietly and let yourself just be. Career coach and author Roy Cohen believes meditating to be a great way to achieve peace of mind, while life coach Marsha Egan says most successful people use their downtime to reflect on their accomplishments, failures, and future plans.

8. Prepare for the week ahead

There’s a reason many people wake up in a groggy panic every single Monday morning: They haven’t mentally prepare themselves for the work week. Especially if you’ve wasted the weekend and didn’t do all of the tasks you said you were going to “when you had the time,” Monday mornings can be an incredibly stressful time. But if you’ve used your weekend wisely, and you take some time Sunday night to analyze all the errands and jobs you need to do throughout the week, you can wake up on Monday feeling ready to take on whatever gets thrown at you.

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